He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
