i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
