I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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