Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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