I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
look no pants
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
