After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
