it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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