Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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