All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
