I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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