dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
