i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
