he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
