Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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