What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
