He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
