If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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