to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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