he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
