I feel like I'm in dance class right now
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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