Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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