so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
