Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
