I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
