I wish I only lived at night.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
