I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
