i wish starbucks made bloody marys
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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