The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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