new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
