Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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