my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He has the fingertips of a God
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