some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Drunk is not a location!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
FUCK WHALES
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
