He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
