Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
