So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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