i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
