So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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