Your dad touched me again.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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