Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
