You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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