woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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