theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
