Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize