By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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