How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
