didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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