I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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