bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
