Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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