In the future we'll all be gay
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
