She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
