this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
