Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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