so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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