we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
