Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
