Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
