I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
