Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
