there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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