My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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