I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
