A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
