Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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