shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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