You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
