someone get that fucking seahorse.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
