She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Dicks are not precious.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
