Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
