Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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