defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
