So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
