How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
