I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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