Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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