i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
