Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Randomize
