is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Couch. On fire.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
