Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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