That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
