GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize