Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
