I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I understand Curling. That high.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
