I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize