just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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