someone get that fucking seahorse.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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