Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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