my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
