so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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