i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Actions speak louder than pants.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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