Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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