Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We left the knife in your bed.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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