And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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