I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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