so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
